Fault finder or Sweet finder?
A honey bee goes from flower to flower collecting the sweet honey. It neither has the time nor the interest to focus on what’s wrong with the flower. Similarly, human beings should also go from people to people focusing on their sweetness & their achievements, rather than spend time looking for faults in them!
A lot of people do a lot of things because someone has had hope in them. In today’s urban and competitive world, we are often focused on bringing the other person down and showcase our own strengths and point of view. You know some of them, right? Parents finding faults in their kids, kids finding faults with other kids, couples finding faults with each other, employees finding faults with their employers, employers finding faults with other employers and the list goes on 🙁 It seems that instead of perfect the art of living or the art of perfecting relationship, all that we end up doing is perfecting the art of finding faults!
Why do we find faults in others?
Ego – when you feel that you know better than everyone else and that you are the centre of the world.
Envy – when someone has something you don’t have and you don’t want the other person to have it anymore
Insecurity – you are fearful that you will lose what you have, whether it be fame, money, social standing, power, friends etc.
How do I get rid of fault finding mentality?
Check yourself in and out
Just like how people signup for courses in painting, DIY, driving, photography etc to develop their interest and skill in a particular area, take time to read books, meet counsellors, talk to mentors etc to understand what are the areas of weakness that we have. We live in a society where we always have to show that we are 100% perfect and any showcase of weakness is considered a failure.
In a book review interview conducted by Huffington Post with Mark Manson, the author of the hugely successful book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, the journalist makes the below interesting comment in his essay:
More than a practical guidebook to choosing what’s important in our lives and what’s unimportant, it’s a brutally honest and much needed reality check about our personal problems, fears and expectations. It’s a bold confrontation of self, our painful truths, faults and uncertainties, without all the positive airy fairy fluff we’ve been spoon-fed to believe by self-help gurus.The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – A Book Review | Huffpost.com
Here is the Amazon link to the book – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Mason
There are 3 main understandings of how karma works:
- Action & reaction – what goes around comes around & I deserve what I get
- We all have a set quota of enjoyment and pains to go through in a lifetime
- We are not in control
Basically, what the above means is that there are factors outside of our control and factors that are so subtle that cause things to happen. If we are criticising others or we are at the receiving end, there is a reason for it.
- We are getting it back because we may have critized someone in the past. The best way to break the cycle is to forgive and not commit the mistake again, else the cycle will continue.
- No matter how much hard work you put in or how clever you are or how much influence you can exert over others, nature has defined a quota which you can’t cross. There is only so much happiness and so much sadness that will come your way. You can’t increase or decrease either. Everybody is suffering but some covers it well, some crack and others overcome it. Remember – everything must pass. So, why mull over things/success that other people have? Just remember that everyone gets what they deserve and this is their time and this is your time.
- All of us want to be in complete control. Truth is that you can’t and you shouldn’t waste your time wanting to be either. Mind and nature are extremely powerful forces which we can’t control. So, why bother wanting to control and enjoy others? The effort only goes in vain leaving behind broken relationships and causing anxiety all around.
Finding faults, negatively critizing others and wanting to control others all the time, will not give you true lasting happiness. You may feel that you are winning but in reality you are destroying the beautiful heart in you, which is capable of bringing so much love, positivity and hope in the world. The human form of life is a very rare opportunity compared to other life forms, which if utilized well can transform existence as we know it today. But till we rise to that understanding, let’s learn as much as we can from the humble and the busy bee.
Featured blog Photo by olga brajnovic on Unsplash
Animation of the Bee going from flower to flower by Manoj Kumar (livingbeing.in blogger)
Suggested book image from the website of the book author, Mark Mason